


Metsushi (discontinued)

by AshtheAnimatrix, Misete



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Bullying, Dialogue Heavy, Fucked Up, Guilt, Heavy Angst, M/M, Multi, Origin Story, Original Character(s), Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Rape/Non-con Elements, S&M, Self-Harm, Stalking, Suicidal Thoughts, Twisted, Yandere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-05-24 06:56:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 29
Words: 9,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6145315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshtheAnimatrix/pseuds/AshtheAnimatrix, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misete/pseuds/Misete
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I want him to love me.</p><p>I want him to hate me.</p><p>I want him to kill me.<br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>Hanada is a second-year in college. His life was going great until one day he noticed that he was being stalked. He soon finds out who and guilt overcomes his soul.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 00

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AshtheAnimatrix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshtheAnimatrix/gifts).



Ne, ne, Hanada- senpai, what would you do if I said I love you?

Would you love me? 

Or. . .

Would you kill me?

Hanada- senpai, tell me what you would do,please? 

I love you so much.

I love you too much.

So. . .

Love me back. 

"Hanada- senpai. . ."

"Remember me? It's me, Ayame- chan. "

"The suicidal freak you used to bully?"

"What am I doing here, you ask?"

"Well. . ."

"I came to take what's mine. . ."

"You, senpai!"

Love me, senpai!

Hug me, senpai!

Kiss me, senpai!

Hold me, senpai!

Fuck me, senpai!

Hit me, senpai!

Abuse me, senpai!

Kill me, senpai!


	2. 01

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set in the past, what happened before Senpai and Ayame-chan were separated.
> 
>  
> 
> Warning: heavy language is featured! If you feel at all offended, don't sue me! Just don't read!
> 
> Also, bullying is bad. Sexual harassment is also bad. Going too far with both is VERY bad. It could kill someone. If you ignore this, it's on you.

"Stupid suicidal freak! Go kill yourself!"

'Senpai... I love you.'

"Here's a noose, now tie it around your neck! "

'Senpai... I hate you.'

"Oi, Hanada, that's going too far! "

'Senpai... I love to hate you. '

"Shut up! Look, he has a hard-on already! "

Hanada- senpai kicks my bulge, which shocks a ton of pleasure up my spine.

"Ah~! "

Hanada- senpai rubbing his foot against my dick makes me feel so good.

I want to shout, 'Senpai, more! Hanada- senpai, give me more! '

"He enjoys it! Pervert! Freak! Suicidal! Masochist! "

'Senpai! More! Be harsher! '

"Oi! What are you kids doing?! "

"Oh shit! Hanada, let's go! "

"You're not leaving! Kowada- sensei, comfort the student there! "

"O.K.! "

'Get the fuck away from me. You bastard teachers. Go to hell. '

"Are you alright, Ayame- chan? "

'No. You ruined my chances with Senpai. Fuck you. Go fuck yourself. '

"It's going to be alright. Go ahead and cry. "

'Bastard. Retarded bastard. I'm crying because you ruined my chances with Senpai. Go die. '

"What will you do to Senpai? "

"We're going to call both your parents and the gang's too. We're gonna expel them. "

"NO! DON'T EXPEL SENPAI!! "

"Calm down, Ayame- chan. You don't have to be scared of him anymore. "

'I'll kill you. I'll kill you! I'll kill anyone who tries to get between Senpai and me!! '

"I- hick- I..."

'...love my dearest Senpai. '

"Shh..."

Later on, Hanada- senpai and his friends were expelled. 

I became depressed of not seeing my beloved Senpai   
I even went as far as trying to hang myself and threatened to see Senpai. 

I never did. 

But I will. 

Senpai, I'm coming for you! 

Senpai! 

Hanada- senpai! 

Senpai!

Hanada- senpai! 

Look at me only! 

Look at me to death!


	3. 02

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sent in the future (in this case, present) where Hanada is a university student.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late chapter!!! The next one will not be as late as this one!!!
> 
> I got caught up in life because I just found out I have a severe curve in my back. Specially a 57 curve. Gonna get surgery June 2nd. Wish me luck!!
> 
> Also, White Rabbit (if you read it) will get a second part/season. However, it (and this one) will get updated slowly. Maybe around two to three months so... Please be patient!!

My name is Hanada Saito. My current age is 21. I am a second-year in Murasaki University. It's a popular university and also cheap.

However, it is hard to get in. Only a few handful is able to get in just by luck. Others, like me, study for it for years.

Since I was a horrible kid in school, enough to get me expelled, I was a disgrace to my parents. I wanted to redeem myself and forget about what I've done.

I wanted to prove to my parents and my school I can be better. To get in was hard enough, but to please my parents after what I've done is even harder.

To know that I've got in and stayed in for two years must, under NO circumstances, seem like a blessing to my parents. And, to top it off, Murasaki University has also dorms.

Life was going well. I finally got a second chance all these years. I got better friends, and my family opened up more to me. I also got into a great university with a great roommate, who also became my friend.

It could never get worse. That is...

Wishful thinking.

"Hanada-san!"

"Yo, Kikyō-chan!"

"Hey, Hanada-san, do you feel like... being watched or something?"

"Huh? No. Why?"

"Because..."

Kikyō Suzumi, a girl who had been my friend since my first year. She is one year behind me, but she is the same height as me. She's still cute though.

She leans close to my ear and cups her hand around her mouth for only me to hear.

"... I heard from my girlfriend, Ruri, that someone was following you."

"What? Ruri-san did?"

She nods, solemnly, then stepped away from my ear. "I swear. On my life and in my ear."

"She saw it?... Where is she?"

"I'll take you to her. Follow me."

I'm being stalked? No... That's impossible. There's no way... Right?

Kikyō-chan led me over to the garden area. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ruri-san. She was sobbing and shaking.

Kikyō-chan ran over to her to comfort her. I wonder when they tell their parents about their relationship.

I also ran over to Ruri-san.

"Ruri-san..."

"Hanada-kun! Sobs sobs! I can't believe this!!"

"It's okay, Ruri. Hanada-san won't get hurt."

"Yeah, Ruri-san. I took a fighting class before, so don't worry about me."

"But! Sobs... You're being stalked by some creep! Who knows what would happen to you! Sobs... What if... Hick... What if..."

"Ruri-san..."

"What if you're not the only one being stalked?! Sobs!"

Kikyō-chan looks over to me. 

"I'll calm her down. We'll discuss more of this later, 'Kay?"

"... Yeah."

I can't help but feel guilty for making Ruri cry for being worried about me. I look around and don't see Ebizome.

Ebizome Fujisaki is my "roommate". We share the dorm together, but we're not really roommates. Ruri is my real roommate while Kikyō is Ebizome's. When Ruri and Kikyō "hang-out", he stays in my room, which, by the way, is almost like five times a week.

"Where's Ebizome?"

"Back at the dorm. I'm going to take Ruri to mine, so tell him to go to your's. Please be careful."

"Don't worry. Aren't I always?" 

I smile sweetly at her. She smiles back.

"Yeah, right..."

I leave the two lovers alone and headed towards where Ebizome is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope my surgery goes well so that I can write more for those who read my stuff!


	4. 03.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part one of chapter 03... enjoy!
> 
> Next parts will come out... about May 8.
> 
> The next chapter(s) will be in October. Hopefully I can upload two to three chapters.
> 
> Till then, please be patient and don't forget to like this story.

DING DING

The sound of the door's alarm tells that a customer is leaving. That customer being me. I managed to talk to Ebizome, but in the end, that bastard sent me off to run some errands for him so that he can play his game! 

It isn't even a good game! Just a stupid game being played by a stupid guy!

Seriously, that guy gets on my nerves easily, but I still can't hate him regardless. We do get along pretty well (when he's not a lazy bum).

I ignore my conflicted inner thoughts and headed over to the dormitory. For better or for worse, I live on the second floor room 219 while Ebizome's 221. Not that far. 

As I continue to walk, I look up to the dark night sky. I couldn't see any stars since the lampposts are very bright. 

However, that doesn't mean that the sky isn't any less beautiful. It just makes it seem lonely... kinda like how I feel. 

I do have friends, but not many. The university told all of the students about my past. Considering I was only a middle schooler, people were still being conscious around me.

The only people who understood I worked hard to change that were the professors, admins, and Kikyô, Ruri, and Ebizome. 

They tried to help me get through the life, and I respect them for it. Even though I know that, I can't help but hate myself as well.


	5. Brothers Tainted Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two brothers live at their parents house. One is introverted while the other is the opposite. One is always locked in their room while the other is the opposite. One hates the other brother while the other is the opposite. 
> 
> This explores an outcome of what would happen if an incestuous relationship was caught by the parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is in no way related to this story but I wanted to include it... 
> 
>  
> 
> or maybe it is included...
> 
>  
> 
> Also attempted rape is present in here. Just a warning.

I hate my brother. I hate him so much. He might be older than me by a few mere years, but I hate him either way. 

How come my parents shower him with love but not me? They love him more than me, the youngest. They love him more than me because his traits are better than mine.

They love him because he has the beauty of a thousand flowers in a bouquet. They love him because of his outgoing personality and positivity beyond belief. They love him because he doesn't take any negativity and can make a person smile no matter who they are.

They love him more than me, a social outcast, an average-looking guy, an introverted pessimistic, a child of shame who can make anyone disappointed.

They love him more because he makes the best grades and I make the worst. He gets the most dates and I get none. He has the most gifts and friends and I have zero. 

They love the opposite of me.

I can't face my brother. That's why, since birth, I've always locked my room with some food and a drink to last the night to never see them.

I can't face my mom and dad because of him! I can't do it because I feel shame will swallow me up in one gulp! I hate him! I hate my one and only brother who took away MY life!

I want it back... give it back... please!!

KNOCK KNOCK

"Hey... Mom and dad told me to get you to come down. They're worried you're not eating.." I could hear his voice coming through the door. "I'M worried..." "..."

Shut up... that ain't fair... CLICK

"Ebi? You there?"

"It's open..."

He checked by twisting the knob and slowly opening it with a smile.

He came towards me and sat beside me on my bed. He clasped his hands together on top of his legs and stared at me with that... strange... smile of his.

"Why have you been locking your doors?" He looked upon my face with a sorrowful expression. No smile. "Is it because you like it like that or maybe... it's because of me?"

"!" I felt a shiver down my spine as he guessed correctly. "So it is because of me..."

He looked away with a face that looked like it was about to cry. I felt so guilty... I wanted to comfort him. 

"I'm sorry, big brother... I really am.." He brushed my hair behind my ear.

"I'm not gonna make you come down if you don't want to, but I would love to have a talk."

He pushed himself up and walked towards the door of my room. He closed the door and locked it up tightly. 

"Now..." His back was to me."... Don't scream, 'kay? You'll get in very bad trouble if you do."

"Okay.." It felt strange for him to say that to me. What was it that he had planned to do?

He turned away from the door to me and, once again, sat on my bed. His body turned towards me. The air and his silence scared me a little, and I hugged up my legs to my chest and looked away.

I could see the look on his face... it scared me so much.

His smile was like that of a large, cheshire smile and heavy breaths came through his teeth. His eyes held the look of a dangerous rapist.

That's when my blood started to turn ice cold.

He pushed my whole body down and raised up my legs straight up in the air. He pulled up my pants and underwear. 

My blood was now almost nonexistent in my veins. I need to scream... Mommy! Daddy! Help me! I'm going to be raped! 

He unzipped his pants and took out his clearly hard member. That was my cue to scream.

"NOOOO!!! MOOOOOMMMMYYYY! HEEEEELP MEEEE!!! DAAAAADDDDDDDDDYYYY!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!! MOOOOOMMMMYYYY!!"

"I said shut up you little shit!" He wrapped his hands around my neck tightly as to destroy my vocal chords. It was futile though.

"EBI!!! OPEN THE DOOR! LET US IN!!" Mom was pulling on the doorknob as hard as she could from what I could hear. I also heard my dad taking out my room key to get in.

I'm so happy Dad as a key to my room. 

"Fuck!" I heard my brother cursed. My dad came in the room and saw the site before his very eyes. The horror of it made Mom puke right there as she saw it.

Dad grabbed hold of brother's collar and yanked him away from me as my mom (tried to anyway) came to my aid. Dad punched my brother hard in the gut and in the face. Bruises came immediately from the impact of the punch.

Mom stood up and also punched him but not nearly as hard as Dad's. She yelled at the top of her voice.

"HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO YOUR ONLY YOUNGEST BROTHER! YOU'RE NOT MY CHILD ANY LONGER! AFTER ALL WE HAD GIVEN YOU, this IS HOW YOU REPAY US?! GO PACK ALL YOUR CLOTHES AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!"

"B-but Mom! You can't do this to me!! HE tempted me! He made me do it!!"

"LISTEN HERE, YOU LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER AND GET OUT BEFORE I HAND YOU TO THE POLICE!!"

Brother quickly went his room while sobbing loudly. He clearly regretted it. I didn't, however, I also sobbed.

Not because of brother, but because of the trauma it caused. I sobbed because this was the only way my parents would notice me.

I sobbed because I never realized how much my parents really loved me. I thought they would kick me out instead.

They didn't and I'm glad they didn't...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anybody know the song "#1 Crush" by Garbage? That was my inspiration for Metsushi btw! Go listen to it!


	6. 03.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second part of chapter 03

I crept along the darkness underneath the lampposts that led the way to the dorm. Cars passed by me as I walked. 

As I continued in my direction, I could feel someone was behind me. It might have been another person who just wanted to take a walk, but...

Why can't I shake the feeling this person is stalking me... It must have been what Kikyô said earlier. 

I walk a little faster to get away from the person behind me. They also walked a little faster. I knew it... It isn't a coincidence! 

This person is my stalker! I have to get away! 

I started to run as quick as I can. Fear pulsating my heart. THUMP THUMP! It beats even faster! 

I looked behind me and as I thought... They also run! They're gaining up on me! I have to hide! But where? 

I don't know! I might get killed! Oh shit! Oh shit!! Oh shit!!! 

"Senpai~"

I stop in my tracks. Could my stalker be-?! 

The one I announced as my stalker jumped on my back. What are they trying to do?!

I look up behind me to see who it is, and-

"Ebi?!"

"Yahoo!"

The sudden revelation of my stalker- to say the least- is the most disappointing part in my life. Damn you, Ebizome. Damn you. 

"You bastard! I thought you were my stalker! "

"Haha! Why would I stalk you?! Haha! "

I punch him in his gut to show off my rage. That bastard deserved it.


	7. EXTRA 01

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A link to the past part one

"Your son is the victim of heavy bullying and also sexual abuse. We advise you to send poor Ayame to a doctor and a psychiatrist. "

Mom was only worried about money and her new baby daughter she got from another man. 

"I understand. Will Ayame be taken out of school? "

Dad never showed love towards mom and my new baby sister. He hated women and always went to a gay bar. He brings a man home every time.

They go in my room and fuck in front of me. Dad even let me touch the men. 

"No. Not unless you want him to. Because of this, the ones who bullied Ayame will pay for all of his tuition and fees. "

I hate everyone. I hate myself. I can't kill everyone, so I'll just kill myself instead. Will people be happy because of that? 

"We'll leave that decision to Ayame. "

I look up at mom who had said this and looked away quickly when she glanced back. 

Why now? 

"Ayame? "

"I'll... quit school to get into Murasaki University."

Mom and dad both looked at me in surprise. I didn't shoulder or return their gaze.

Senpai will surely go there. I know it. He has to. 

"Alright then. We will get everything Ayame may need."

"Alright. Thank you, Sensei."

"My pleasure."

Sensei walked out, and mom smacked me hard in the face. She had a look of disgust.

Dad smacked her hard in the face twice. 

"Don't you dare touch my son! "

"YOU'RE son?! I'M the one to birth him! "

"I'M the one that shows him more love than you! "

"At least I don't fuck in front of my child!"

"At least I'm not a-" It keeps going on. Finally, mom left the room hearing my baby sister crying. Dad went to my room and brought me along.

He closed the door and locked it. After, he set me on my bed.


	8. EXTRA 02

Because I am sensitive, I get the thoughts often. Thoughts that says, "You are nothing. No one cares for you. No one loves you. They are all ashamed of you. Why were you even born?! You're useless. You're a piece less valuable than even shit itself. Why can't you just die?! You're just a burden upon everyone."

It is all true. Everything. Just dying is not gonna help. I need to suffer. I need pain to tell me everything will be all right. 

Pain is also not enough. But... he knew that. He gave me what I needed. Pain with assurance. Pain with great amount of pleasure. Pain with loving kindness and hate.

I need it all. He gave. I take. Simply, he is my hero. My life. My whole body! I need him!

Because I am naive, I take whatever is in front of me. He is it.

Because I am born this way, he hates me more. I want him to love me too.

 

Please...

 

Help me...

 

I'm too scared to live and die.

 

I'm too scared to breathe the air of people waiting to kill me.

 

I love you!

 

I hate to love you this much!

 

I love you so...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please say you love me back...


	9. EXTRA 03

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Link to the past part two
> 
>  
> 
> Warning: rape with a little boy! And incest! You can just skip it if you don't like it! I mean... I don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last part of chapter three will be out next week!

"What are you doing locking the door?"

"Ayame.... Whatever happens.... You will NOT tell this to anyone. Understand me?"

"Yes, Father, but... Why?"

Father slapped me across the face, and I was knocked down unto the bed sheets. I tried to get up, but he slapped me again on the other cheek. I got knocked down again but instead, I stayed down.

Father unbuckled his belt.

"Ayame... Are you leaving me because you're jealous of the men I bring home to fuck? If so, you will need 'proper' punishment."

"?!"

Father grabbed my two hands together with his belt. I wanted to desperately scream, but I couldn't because my throat was all choked up with fear. I just looked up at the ceiling and prayed this is all a nightmare.

I knew it wasn't. I knew it was useless to defend myself. I knew... But... 

Father pulled down my pants and breathed heavily as he did so. He did the same to my underwear. He hoisted my legs up in the air.

"Oh Ayame... My sweet, sweet Ayame... Your fair white skin and your big round eyes... I just wanna eat you up..."

He used one hand to pull down his pants and boxers and grabbed his dick. He started to rub it and stroke it.

"Ayame... Sweetie pie... May you do your daddy a favor and use your mouth on this?"

Without saying any word of objecting, he thrusted in his dick into my small mouth.

He started the thrust into my mouth, fucking it I should say, and making me wanting to gag it out. He hoisted my body lower to put his whole member into my mouth.

Then, right before he could ejaculate, he came on my asshole. He smiled greatly.

"Good job, sweetie pie. Daddy's proud of you. Hehe.."

He used his hand again and started smearing the cum. He took off his shirt and thrusted it inside my mouth. Dad made sure that I was not to scream.

He poked his cum covered finger and thrusted it inside the hole. I yanked my head up the ceiling and gnashed my teeth onto the shirt.

Fuck it hurt!

He kept on thrusting the finger until he took it out. I thought it was over but that was just the beginning.

He placed his hard member onto the hole and hoisted it in. I was screaming and thrashing around like hell to get it out.

Useless. It was useless. I was useless.

Father slapped my face to shut me up and continued. He thrusted it in and out, breathing heavier and heavier as he did so.

His dick was too large for my hole and so it began to bleed. The blood mixed in with the cum.

Father slapped me around for fun. He giggled to himself.

He thrusted in again once he took out his whole dick except for the head. He pulled out .

"I'm gonna clean myself up. You should too, son. Cum is really hard to get out though. Hehe.."

After he said that, he untied the belt around my arm and got off the bed. He unlocked the door and stepped out, closing it behind him.

Fuck... It kept hurting more and more.

My eyes were burning like hell and so was my hole. My cheeks were stained with blood and tears. My body limp. My wrist was also bleeding with my hole.

Finally, he came inside me and the feeling was disgusting. He pulled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally back after my surgery and recovery! I'm currently in my second week of recovery and still going! 
> 
>  
> 
> I'm so lucky to have a high pain tolerance. Also, I'm making a new story so stay tuned for it! 
> 
> C:


	10. UPDATE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read below

I know I promised to update this but I'm putting this story on hold and I'm not going to be on this site that much because I'm on Wattpad. So, to some who love this series, please wait until I come back for it! Until then, thank you for taking your time to read this!


	11. 03.3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to live.

"Ow... Are we there yet?" I carry Ebizome up the apartment stairs since the elevators are down for a while. We arrive soon at our destination down the hall. "Yea. Geez you're heavy..."

"Fuck you, Hanada! It's your fault."

"Actually, it's yours."

Ebi smack me against the head playfully. It didn't hurt much, so I took out my keys when he continues. 

"Ne ne, Hanada, I wanna sleep on your bed with you..." Ebi looked at me. His ears were red. Maybe he's sick?

"Haha.. Gross! I don't wanna sleep with someone who proclaims to be my stalker!" 

"Pssh.. It was just a joke! I wanna sleep with you so bad!" 

I set him down near the coffee table by the bed. I also sat down. I leaned back with my arms holding me up and he with his head on the table still looking at me.

"Dude.. That's just weird. Even worse when you say it!" 

"Eh!? But you're so warm! You're a fuckin walking heater! "


	12. 03.4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last part of chapter 03!

I can't believe this... I can't believe I have a stalker.. What's worse is that I can't think of anyone who would want to. I'm the definition of someone to avoid, at least that's what others told me. I'm fucking gross. I should die.

They keep repeating the same old shit. It never ends.. I just hope not to get hurt by this "stalker". Sigh.. I'm really scared.... What's going to happen to me? Will they kill me? Rape me? Blackmail me into some shit I'll get arrested for?

"Hmm.." I turn my head to the man sleeping beside me. He was dead asleep and drooling. Damn it! If you're going to drool, do it on yourself! 

My thoughts about the matter concerning the stalker flooded my mind until I dozed off. I fell asleep while turning to my wall on my side. New day tomorrow.. Hopefully it'll get better..

Or not...

————————————————————————————————————————————————

"Oi! Hanada! You there?" I open my eyes to the sound of Ebizome's voice calling me out. I look at my surroundings. I'm at the academy surrounded by my friends.

"Hey, Hanada, you okay? You don't look good." I look at Kikyō. She has a worried look on her face. I try to reassure her, "It's nothing. I couldn't sleep last night." "It's okay. I'm just worried about.. You know.. I'm scared." 

"Don't worry about it. You're not the one getting stalked."

"Hanada! I'm seriously worried about you! You're my friend! If you're being stalked, then we ALL are. Whatever happens to you, we got your back!"

"Thanks, Kikyō.. Really..." I smile at them. They're right. I'm not alone in this! I have my friends to protect me!

Ebi wraps his arm around my neck with a playful smile. "Damn straight! No matter what, we'll do anything for you!"

"Hah.. Thanks..." We were going to talk about something else until someone came up to me, interrupting the conversation.

"Are you Hanada?" I look at him perplexed. "Yes, why?" "Some guy is asking for you."

I look at my friends and they all shrug. I took it as a sign to go check it out. "Okay. I'll go over there. Where are they?" "over by the bench over there." He pointed me to a direction, vaguely I might add. 

Nevertheless, I went on ahead. 

————————————————————————————————————————————————

I reach my destination. I look around and found someone. They were alone. From the back, they were smaller than me. Short hair. I couldn't really tell their gender though. Probably a girl.

"Hello? Are you the one that called me here?"

They turn their heads over to me. "Hanada-senpai?"


	13. 04

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope to update this every 20 days at most! So uh.. Thanks for your kudos! I really appreciate it!

When they turned... They looked familiar.

"Hanada-senpai?" The boy said as he stared at me. 

He looked a little too familiar, but I couldn't place my hand on it. I looked at him confused. Why would a guy ask for me?

"Who are you?"

He giggles. "Remember me? It's me, Ayame-chan."

That name... Where did I hear it before?! 

"Ayame...-chan?"

He giggled again and smiled a twisted smile at me.

I wanna run...

"The suicidal freak you used to bully?"

"What are you doing here!?"

My mouth started to quiver.

"What am I doing here, you ask?" He comes closer to me,"well..."

"..."

He gives me a smirk and places his index finger on my chest. His gaze never wavering. Ayame leaps up and wraps around his arms around my neck. His mouth close to my ear.

"I came to take what's mine..." 

"!?"

"You, senpai!" His tongue glides up on my ear.

"GET AWAY!" 

I push him hard. He lands on the ground on his behind; his arms holding him up. My arms however guards my face.

Panic.

The feeling arose in me with disgust and... Arousal.

He laughed. 

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! ARE YOU MY STALKER?! JUST HURRY UP AND GET AWAY FROM MY LIFE!"

I yell at him uncontrollably. Tears streaming down my cheeks. I start sobbing... My knees become weak and fall down.

He starts to stroke my hair. "I'm not here for revenge, senpai. I'm here to see you. To save you. You're my hero, and I should be yours."

I meekly whack his hand away. 

"Please... I'm begging you, Ayame-chan... Just go away... Please..."

"No. I'm staying with you."

"Then what will it take for you to leave?!"

"Hmm... Let's discuss this in your dorm room. People could overhear this."


	14. 05.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School is so tiring when you're a freshman (＞人＜;)
> 
> Btw, since I am sorry, this will be in both Ayame's and Hanada's POV. This will be in Ayame's (cuz it's fun) and next week (same day) will be in Hanada's. 
> 
> Thank you all for the kudos （＾ν＾）

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for lack of updating ;▽; !!!
> 
> I'm making a webcomic (at least… thinking about it..) And my program keep crashing and art tablet dying. Although it already died...
> 
> Happy reading!

Senpai pulls on my wrist hard and drags me away. I see his "friends" looking at him with confused faces. Oh well. They don't matter anyway.

Hanada-senpai's burning hot hand against my cold dead wrist creates an unbearable sensation. I really want him in me....

Just the thought of senpai bringing me to his room, only the two of us, makes my heart beat go out of control. 

I can't wait for him to touch the rest of me... 

While looking away from my wrist, I look up at Hanada-senpai's back. Such a perfect back. I wish to caress it. Kiss it and lick it. Rub my tiring being on it. 

I want him... I love him... 

After all the people we walk by, none have catched my eye better than senpai. No one. He is my perfect muse.

My only muse... 

My lovely muse...

My special muse...

He is everything I desire. Everything I need. My three meals a day. My dreams I have. The list goes on.

Senpai is my all and if someone is his....

They desire death. A slow and painful death that only the most horrible of criminals deserve. 

————————————————————————————————————————————————

We reach the door to senpai's room. He stumbles around whilst still holding my wrist tightly. How sexy!!! 

I could feel my face light up bright red as a tomato. 

He reaches around in his pants pocket hurriedly for the key. He finally grabbed it out and was about to unlock the door. He dropped it then raced to pick it up.

He finally got it into the hole and turned. He pushed open the door once he heard the click, dragged me inside, and quickly closed and locked up the door.

Sweat drops down his nicely tanned face. Such a trivial thing made him even more sexier. More perfect.

His face holds the perfect description of fear. I walk up to him and... caressed his beautifully perfect face.

 

"After I tell you my reasons, I need you to hold me." I smiled.


	15. 05.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> @-@ sorry for being late .. Got a science project tomorrow! I'll update two chapters including this one today.

Shit shit shit!!

I pull on his wrist and hurry to my room. I run as fast as I could.

If I can make it in time... Maybe I'll get it through his thick head I don't want to see him!

My past will NOT come back to haunt me! 

And, most of all, won't kill my friends. Perhaps all he wants is simple revenge. Plain and simple.

———————————————————————————

We reach my room and shit!.. Where did I put my keys?! I still hold on to his wrist so that he can't run away. Not like he will, but I have to make sure he won't.

I check my pockets in a panic. I hope no one sees us... The key was in my back pocket, and I pulled it out.

I tried to unlock the door but with my shaky hands, it dropped. I quickly pick it up and unlock the door one more time.

Success.

I open the door, pulled Ayame in, and locked the door.

Shit... Shit... Shit!

I could feel sweat drops on my face and his.. Unnerving stare towards me. 

His feet comes toward me...

"?!"

He caresses my cheek with a deranged smile on his face. 

 

"After I tell you my reasons, I need you to hold me."


	16. 05.3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last part of chapter 5! I'm really grateful that this story is getting popular.. I never expected this!

Hanada runs past us with a boy. He was grabbing his wrist and pulling him. I wonder who the boy is for making Hanada acting like that. Hanada never acts like that...

Inside, I feel a pang in my chest. Almost like... I'm angry? At who? The boy?

I wonder... Am I...jealous at him? Maybe.

I might also want to be in his position... To be touched like that...being dragged to his room in a hurry...

"!" 

No! Hanada is my friend! I can't think like that to a friend! It's.. It's wrong!

But... I wonder what Hanada looks like in bed... Disheveled? Horn-

"Ebi, are you okay?"

I return back to reality. I look over to Kikyō. "W-what?"

"You're as red as a tomato! Do you have a cold or something?"

Am I... really blushing that hard?

I try to control myself. 

"I-I'm fine, really! I'm just thinking of something and got embarrassed is all!"

She looks at me skeptical. "Hmm.. Okay.. You better not think of pervy thoughts."

"Eh?! I-I do not have perverted thoughts!"

"Oh really? Don't look that way to me. I mean, I can tell you like Hanada just by the way you look at him!"

"L-like?! I don't like... Hanada like that..."

"Yeah yeah. You look like you wanna be pushed down by him!"

"Um, guys? Can we not talk about this? It's getting a little...embarrassing.."


	17. EXTRA 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some short filler about Ebi. He's gonna be important later.

Today, I go to a top university. I heard it was difficult,but I got in easily. I wish to make mother and father happy,but... I can't live where brother used to. It's...hard to breathe.. I have to go to this university.. I need to get away... For good.

My car was packed with needs I need and a lot of money for gas. Only 600 miles... I can make it since its night already. Maybe rest for a little? I'll decide later.. For now, I need to go. Make haste as they say.

—————•————•———•——•—•—•——•———•————•—————

It's been an hour since I've been here. They announced a student earlier, but I didn't bother listening. What's the point? Everyone's got a bad past. No need to announce to everyone.

I noticed off in the distance a boy fidgeting. The one they probably announced. Oh shit! He's coming to me! What do I do?! 

"Excuse me, can you stop looking at me strangely? I'm uncomfortable."

"I didn't notice that I was. Sorry."

"You've been staring at me for about 5 minuets and you didn't even notice?! Haha!"

He started laughing with some tears in his eyes. Maybe I made him laugh? I'm.. Really confused. But, he has a cute laugh though...

"What's your name, funny guy?"

"Me?"

"Yes, you. Who else would I be talking to, dumbass?

"Oh, haha! I guess you're right. My name is.. Ebizome, but you can call me Ebi for short."

"Cool! My name is Hanada! I don't have any nickname so just call me Hanada for short."

"Haha! Okay...Hanada."

The name was soothing to say.. The way it rolls off my tongue on a gentle manner was... exhilarating to say. 

"I hope to become very good friends, Hanada."

Very good friends...


	18. 06

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I should a pattern updating this. I got a new story coming!

"I need you to hold me."

Huh? That's it?

"You.. There's no way I'm fucking you!"

He stops touching and turns around. He slowly hands out his hand and caresses the wall.

"When I think of you, I imagine you thrusting deep in my ass! You do it raw and cum inside me! You fuck me till I bleed!!"

He turns back to me, and I unconsciously move back against the door again.

"Hehe... I've never forgotten that time when you 'bullied' me for the first time! Every time I think about it, I use my fingers to jack off and thrust in me! But... Every time, there's something missing."

He comes towards me.

"It's not enough if it's not you! I want you inside me!" 

No way no way no way no way 

"Hanada senpai!"

He grabs my shirt and pulls me down to meet his face. "Mm..." He lets go and I push him to the ground. Wiping my mouth, he laughs. 

"Ahhhh.... This is what Senpai's kiss feels like!!!"

He moves his hand down to where his-

"W-What are you doing!?!" 

He looks up at me. His face as red a tomato and his eyes wielding a horny look. He pants violently.

"S-Senpai.... May I jack off while licking you? I want it sooo bad...hehe"

"NO! Don't you dare!!"

Despite what I said, he crawls over to me regardless. He unbuckles me and also unzips my zipper. 

"Wait! I said no! You can't!"

"But, Senpai, look at hard your dick is~ it's so big.. Bigger than I imagined ♡"

"Ayame!"

He pulls down my pants and underwear. He drools at the sight..

"I wonder if I can even fit this inside my mouth?"

I cover my eyes with both my arms. 

"Senpai?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

I bite my lips hard.

He begins by licking one of my balls. He kisses it, then sucking and licking it. "Mm... Senpai, you taste delicious... So much better than my fantasies!"

"Shut up!"

He grins.

"Hanada senpai, are you embarrassed that you're going to get a blowjob by your own stalker? That's so cute ♡"

He stands up and pulls down my arms. I closed my eyes shut tight. He licks my lips. 

"Open your mouth, Senpai. I want to deep kiss since the blowjob was too much for you. This time, you can have total control."

"..."

I was reluctant at first, but then I...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be up in two weeks! I've got a surprise coming, so stay tuned for more!


	19. 07

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >~< sorry for lack of update!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter next week :D! Stay tuned!

I opened my mouth just a little, and Ayame slipped in his tongue. It was warm... Wet... As it licked my own tongue, my mouth began to burn. 

It felt...good..

Although I knew in the back of my mind that this person was my stalker, I couldn't help but kiss them more. Our tongues intertwined with each other, and we began to lick up each other's saliva.

My hand unconsciously pulled in Ayame's head against mine. I wanted to go in for a much deeper kiss.

Ayame did the same as me and wrapped his hands around my neck. As we both parted, Ayame and I both had drool running down from our mouths. I could also see a thin line of saliva from both of us.

Ayame licked his top lip then bit his bottom. His eyes, looking horny and his face as red as a tomato.

He rested his face on my shoulder. "Ahh... As expected from Senpai, I'm as hard as a rock and just from a simple kiss..."

His hands caresses down. One to my hand and intertwined with it. The other grabbing my...

"What are you doing?!?" I grabbed that hand.

"Hm? We're gonna do it, aren't we?"

"Do what?!"

"Sex, Senpai. You're gonna fuck me right now."

I grab both his hands up and pushes him against the wall. 

"Like hell I am! I already said I'm not fucking you!"

He stopped smiling and gave me a death glare. I flinched a bit but did not withhold my grasp.

"If you're not going to do it, then I will have to use force. I don't want to, but you don't leave me with much choice, Senpai."

His head crashed against mine, and I fell back. My eyes blurred as I looked up. 

Ayame stood before me and said something. It was muffled from my ears ringing. His hand raised up and...

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

My eyes blinked as I woke up. My head hurt from a headache. I turned my head over and--

"Ahh- Senpai! ♡! Your dick feels amazing in me!"

It was Ayame, naked and riding on me. His body thrusted up and down on me. I tried to raise my hands to push him off, but I couldn't for some reason. 

"Don't be scared, Hanada-senpai. I just tied your hands together and put a cloth in your mouth so you wouldn't scream. Aah! ♡! I hope you don't mind!"

He moved his body upwards then thrusted deep down on my dick.

"♡! Do you feel your dick in me? It's so hot, my body's burning! I'm gonna cum!!" 

His hole tightened around my dick and shot his load all over his body and mine. I also couldn't hold it in and came as well inside him. 

"Ahh! Hanada! ♡!" 

I clenched my eyes shut as he lifted himself off me. I can feel my own cum dribble down my cock. 

As I was trying to calm myself down, he caressed my face and untied my mouth. 

"You! You just raped me!"

"Not really... Your massive cock twitched in agony to be put in me. All I did was a favor and to relive some stress."

"You didn't do me a fucking favor at all! You forced yourself on me while I was unconscious!"

"So?"

"So?! You just-"

His face bent down in front of mine. "!" I shut my eyes and mouth tight as he placed a kiss on my lips. He licked up the side of my face. 

"So what if I raped you? You enjoyed it anyway. Next time, let's have gentle sex."

"There won't be a next time! Untie me now!"

"Calm down, senpai. I'll untie you later. For now, let's cuddle for now."

He layer his body upon mine and snuggled his head onto my bare neck.

His arms embracing me.

"Hanada... I love you. If you ever say that I'm not needed to you, then I will leave you alone forever. I'll only commit 'it' if the person I love, you, say that I'm not needed."

I wondered on about the last sentence that he said.


	20. 08

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't sleep so I thought to write the next update! Next update will be unexpected but it might be the day after tomorrow so hang on tight!

Ayame let me leave but only for one class. The class is a bout three hours, but it's all the time that I need. I need to get rid of him! 

I run down the hallway and go straight to Ebizome's room. I pound on the door quickly. "Ebi! Open up!" I yell.

He finally opens the door with a tired look on his face. "What is it, Hanada? You're too loud." He yawns, and I push him inside. "Eh?"

"Please... You need to help me! You're the only one who can!" I can feel my tears staining my cheeks.

He gasped at me then hugged me tight. "Calm down first! Tell me what's going on... I'll try to do anything I can to help you."

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

I tell him everything that's going on. By his face, I can tell he's shocked. 

"What... Do you want me to do then?"

"I- I need you rape him for me! I don't care if you make him bleed or not, just do anything so that he can leave me alone!"

He looks at me then looks down. "I'll do it."

"Ebi... I knew I can trust you with this..."

I hug him tightly, and he hugs back.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

I can't wait for senpai to come back... Maybe I should cook him something to apologize. I wonder what senpai's favorite food is... 

I want to know more about Hanada.. I want to give him all my love... 

Only three hours.. Such a long time. I hope Senpai doesn't hate me. 

"?" 

I hear a knock outside the door. Ah.. Maybe it's senpai? Did he forget something? I chuckle to myself on what he forgot. Oh senpai.. I love you more and more!

I open the door and was about to call out to senpai until--


	21. 09

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years ^^ and sorry for this terrible story update. Made me hate myself a little more. I'm gonna put the story on hold and feel like this is a good place to stop. I appreciate all the kudos ♡ ♡ ♡

I was shocked when Hanada told me to rape someone for him... I never thought he was this kind of guy but no matter! I will do anything for him...

I don't care if I have to rape someone for him! I wouldn't even care if he rapes me... Ah.. What an insane thought..

Okay.. All I gotta do is make his ass' hole bleed. That's all... 

I knock on the door anxiously. Part of me hopes they won't open the door but another part of me hopes they do.

The door creaks open.

"Senpai?" 

For some reason.. When I saw his face, it reminded me of my big brother... It.. Made me grow with rage.

I push my hand over his mouth and into the room. I shut the door with my free hand pushed him into the wall hard with the other.

"Don't make a fucking sound or else, you fucking slut." 

His face screamed of horror, but I didn't care. It was as if I wasn't conscious.

I ripped open his shirt with my two hands. "No!" 

I'm sorry mom and dad...

I only saw red in my eyes. I grabbed him by his hair and threw him against the door. "I SAID TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

He started crying out. "Han-Hanada!! Hanada sa-save me!" He started clawing at the door pitifully.

I smile as I got on top of him. I pulled him up by his hair. 

"You're stupid if you think Hanada will save a rapist like you. Did you know that he specifically came to me to rape you?"

"N-no.. He wouldn't!"

I lower my hand to his neck and pushed him again against the wall by his neck. I didn't want to see his face..

"Well he did. He said he doesn't care if you bleed out of your ass or not. Well, I'll make you bleed everywhere."

I pull down his pants, and he struggled against my grip. "HELP! HELP ME!"

I cover his mouth with my hand, but he bit it. 

"Agh! Shit!" He pushed me aside and tried to run away, but I tripped him. I sat on top of him and lifted up his shirt. I used it to tie his arms together. 

"You make another word and I'll rape Hanada too."

He went silent. I could tell he was holding in his tears. Don't cry... It'll end quickly.

I pull down his pants along with his boxers. Once I saw cum running down his leg, I lost it.

I thrusted my dick in his asshole. "!" His head rose up. 

It was tight, but I couldn't care less. I thrusted in more. Blood was seeping out. 

"WHY!?" His head went back down. His body trembled under my grasp.

"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COME BACK WHEN IM HERE?!" I thrusted in his ass some more. Blood was pouring out on my dick.

"WHY DID YOU COME WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE TO BE CLOSE TO HIM!? I LOVED HIM EVER SINCE WE FIRST TALKED!!" Blood was dripping onto the floor.

"WHY?!? ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS KILL YOURSELF THEN IT WOULD BE PERFECT!!" I could see the blood getting everywhere. I ejaculated in him and pulled out. 

His blood was mixing with cum. I stood up as his body went limp on the ground.

I kicked him in the face. "Look at.. You look so pathetic! How does it feel cumming from someone who raped you? Haha!"

I walked back to the door. I whispered to myself, "I'm sorry..." I opened it then slammed it behind me.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

My three hours were up. I didn't want to go back to my dorm room, but I had no choice. Just thinking of Ayame waiting for me sends shivers up my spine.

I walk up the stairs and walk down the hall to my room. As I stand in front of it, I can hear faint sounds of cries. 

I breathe in a deep breath before opening the door. "!" 

Ayame was sprawled out on the floor. His arms are bound together and blood was... Wait, blood? 

I gulped and stepped forward. I didn't think Ebi would really do it, but he did. Much worse than I had hoped for.. Blood was dripping on the floor.

"Ayame?" His body tensed up when I called out his name. He looked at me with bloodshot eyes and tears. His nose and mouth was bleeding, and his eye was bruised. 

"Ah- Senpai? I didn't think you would've come back..." He gave a faint smile at me before looking down at what I was looking at. 

"Ah... This... Don't worry about it.. Please... Don't look at it.."

His body trembled a lot... I wanted to hug him...

I gulped and my mind reverted back to reality. He raped me! It's only fair that does too! Even if.. What he got was worse... He deserved it!

"Ayame... Call your family to take you to the hospital."

"Eh? But, Hanada... I came to see you! It's nothing, this! I'll heal! Please don't make me leave!" 

"IT'S NOT NOTHING! YOU MIGHT GET INFECTED! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU?! I HATE YOU! YOU RUINED MY LIFE FOREVER!"

"Ah- Senpai.." He reached out to me, but I smacked it away. "STOP CALLING ME THAT! STOP REMINDING ME OF WHAT I DID TO YOU!! I DON'T LOVE YOU! I DON'T NEED YOU! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I go to my bed and hide myself under my covers. I wait for him to leave. 

I hear him step slowly to my bed. I squeeze my blanket hard. "... If senpai really doesn't want to see me, then I'll leave. I'm sorry for burdening you and raping you."

He steps away.


	22. Update

I'm thinking that this story is going nowhere right now. My head is already filled with other things that this story is basically not that important. I already know the ending, but I just need to fill in the gap between the last chapter to the one I posted last. To do that, I need to waste time to think upon it then write it.

The thing is, or what I'm trying to say is, I don't have the time to waste on this story. Im thinking of deleting this series since I can no longer continue it.

 

If someone ask me to, I might consider writing the ending. But, only if someone asks. I'm thinking of deleting it by the end of January.

Thank you for even reading this story. It means a lot and it makes me want to improve on my story plots. Thank you a lot ^^


	23. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May upload this once a month.. Maybe...

Three years have passed since I last saw Ayame. Today is the day before I leave this academy and go out in the world. When I think about what happened, I feel regret and guilt taking over me. I distanced myself from my friends and now I'm alone. I wish I can go back to before all of this started.

Before I rid off my contact with Ebizome, he told me that there was a first-year that suicide. The only one that I thought of was Ayame. I wish I can apologize. I wish I can stop myself from doing what I did. I can only wish. 

I'm sorry, Ayame.


	24. 11.0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The real story begins.... In parts.

I finish packing my stuff and things into my suitcase. It's the last one in my dorm. As I lift it up out of the door, I came across a peticular person. Ebizome. He stood there, fidgeting and red. I was surprised when I saw him.

"Ebi? What are yo-"

He cut me off before I could finish. He pressed his lips against mine for a few seconds before stepping away. 

"I... I've always loved you! I've always thought of you! I... I don't want you to go away yet without knowing! I love you!"

His mouth quivered and his body shaked. He turned even redder. I just stood there, shocked. I didn't know what to do. 

"Ebi..."

He looked up at me with tears on his cheeks and hope in his eyes.

"..I'm sorry, but I can't return your feelings."

He looked, trying to regain himself. Smiling, he looked up again. "Can't be helped. I'm just glad I got it off of my chest."

I smile back at him. "Goodbye, Ebi." I walked down the stairs to the first floor with my suitcases. I didn't look back at him, nor did I ever see him again.


	25. 12.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Next one is tomorrow

After weeks of finding a new apartment, I finally found one that was around the price I could afford. During that time, I found a good job that pays well. I unpacked all my stuff and laid on the small bed next to the wall. 

My new life begins now. Forget everything that happened. Forget, forget, forget... 

Those were all I thought about that night before falling asleep. I dreamt of blackness engulfing me then waking up, panting. Luckily, it's the weekend and I don't need to go to work. 

Even so, I rise out of my bed. "Yawn!!" I dress in a loose shirt and some baggy sweatpants. I go to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. 'God... I need a shave...' "..." 'Later,' I thought.

I brush my teeth and shower for 30 minutes before leaving and locking up. I head down the stairs, unto the streets, and going into the local convenience store. I need to get my three meals a day today. 

The door ranged when I opened it to alert the clerks of my presence. 

I hate that sound...


	26. Update

Discontinued for now.


	27. Update

I'm continuing the series again :D! The chapters will be longer too. I'm uploading the next chapter on Saturday and will do so for the other chapters every Saturday there after. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And also, for the tag "S&M", it will come later with some bondage. If you read this for that then stay tuned then.


	28. 12.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not that much longer but bare with it until next week :)

I brush my teeth and shower for 30 minutes before leaving and locking up. I head down the stairs, unto the streets, and going into the local convenience store. I need to get my three meals a day today.

The door ranged when I opened it to alert the clerks of my presence.

I hate that sound...

Not much people in here -like I expected- at this time. I should hurry and get my essentials then leave. I head over to the dairy side of the store and looked at each product. I grabbed my favorite type of milk and butter. Then, I went into the food section. Grabbed good ol' cereal and bread. I basically grabbed enough food to send me money. Not much but cheap. 

I head over to where the clerks are. Only one man and one woman. The woman was on her phone looking at things I didn't even care to think about. As I got closer, I didn't bother looking up at the man. Just gave my stuff to scan really. "That'll be $12.80, sir," the man said. I grabbed my wallet out of my back pocket and got out the money. Then, when I did look up at him, he looked strangely familiar to me.

"Sir?" 

His face almost looked liked... Ayame's...

"The money, please, sir."

No.. He isn't Ayame. Ayame died. 

I gave him the money, and he packed all the things in a bag. I grabbed it then walked back to my apartment. Then, in that moment, I wondered "what ifs'". "What if" Ayame didn't kill himself after all? "What if" it was a different person who suicided? "What if" Ayame is still out there... out to get revenge on me? 

My thoughts kept going on and on about this. Neverending thinking... until it's all stopped by one measly sound coming from behind the door. A... knock. Just one. I stand up and waited a couple of seconds. Was it... just my imagination? I quickly dismissed the idea once there was a second knock and the doorbell ranged. 

I went closet to the door and slowly opened it... My "what ifs'" were coming back again. They also immediately stopped when it was the mail man. "Hello, sir! Good morning to you!" "Y-you too..." I mumbled back. "Are you a... mister Hanada?" I nodded my head.

"Here you go!" He handed me a single letter. Once I grabbed it out of his hand, he quickly left going downstairs. I was left standing in my doorway dumbfounded. I looked at the letter before turning it on its front-side. It really was addressed to me.. I don't recall telling anybody where I was... 

Then, I looked at the sender. The name immediately took me aback. "Ayame..."


	29. Walking alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the hiatus! You can blame my therapist for that :D

The street was pitch black besides for the parts on the sidewalk that are lit by tall street lights. It was relatively quiet out in the open. I was walking on the sidewalk, close the the lampposts. My legs were walking straight and also going fast for walking. My mind wasn't all there. Walking down the sidewalk, alone, at night wasn't the best idea but for me, it was. I needed to clear further thoughts of mine.

"Hmm..." I started to hum, hoping it would help my thoughts vaporize. It didn't. My mind was filled with questions without answers from a second party. What if I occupy my brain by describing my environment? Seems like it would work by boring me. 

The air around me was cold and musky. It didn't smell too good but it smelled like air so it's whatever. I was wearing a cold mask anyway. My clothes were pretty typical: baggy jeans, t-shirt, and a sweater. I was also wearing a beanie on my head. My socks were low and shoes were some combat boots. Around my waist was a hooded jacket, but I didn't feel like wearing it. The colors for each clothing I was wearing were things I didn't remember.

While walking, nothing else occupied my mind but the atmosphere I was in. I must've been walking for at least 10 minutes. Where I ended up at the end of the 10 minutes was at an apartment building across a store -still opened. 

I didn't know what went through my mind, but I ended up going to the building beside me. It wasn't like I was going to sleep there or anything. Regardless, I went straight to the stares and up to the second story. While there, I went to a specific door and knocked on it in different patterns. It seemed like I was here before...

Waiting...

Longing...


End file.
